Knowledge drop day 6 for National Eating Disorder Awareness week! As someone who struggled with anorexia for years, and who is currently happily in recovery (shout out to my therapist), the discussion around eating disorders and our compassion for those fighting them is something that is near and dear to my heart.
Are you guys as shook as I am about the fact that I’m still doing this? This is the most consistency I’ve demonstrated in 3 years lol.
Juicy Topic #6: Ways To Spot an Eating Disorder
Constant Anxiety Around Meal Times: In my experience, eating became super stressful because it was so emotionally charged. I would be nervous before a snack or meal if those macros weren’t accounted for precisely. I needed to know my caloric intake to be able to eat. And then, I would second guess the meal after I had eaten it. “Was that too many carbs, will I be bloated, is this going to ruin my deficit.” Eventually, it was easier to skip the meal than to go thru the emotional upheaval of the after effects of eating, and so I started “intermittent fasting” – aka gave myself a fancy title for starving my body.
Skipping Meals & Avoiding Entire Food Groups: Whole30 can kick rocks. Keto is for epileptics (actually)… But, lactose is a b*tch for real! I’ll give you that one. When did turning 30 become synonymous with repelling a DQ Blizzard?! My luck that when I finally learn to eat with less guilt, dairy gives me the cold shoulder. Life ain’t fair.
Changes in Body Weight: It’s one thing to notice this, but PLEASE never comment on someone’s weight whether it’s going up or down. There’s just no good coming out of that conversation, and your points (whether you think their valid or not) statistically have no correlation with an improved relationship to food and body. So keep it to yourself 🙂 I read somewhere once that having an ED will cause me to interpret comments on weight in a way that either encourages ED behaviours, or drives me further into shame. And that rings true. No matter what someone says or how they meant it, I alway interpret comments in a way either encourage me to keep going until more bones show, or that I’m doing recovery wrong and I’m a terrible, horrible, failure. There is no in-between. It’s like a terrible SnapChat filter you can’t turn off (yet?)
– An Identity Intertwined with Eating, Exercise, Body Image: Dieting took up so much mental space that I lost room for opinions, hobbies, and being present. In my early days of recovery, where things were hella tough, I could barely pay attention in the facetime dates with the girls. Not because I didn’t love them, but listening to them became impossible over the constant roar of anorexia noise in my mind. Getting help let me be present in my relationships and I don’t know where I would be without those lovers.
– Inability to Eat in Front of People: This one is always a warning sign for me. Of course, relapses happen man. Life gets tough, and tough times cause you to cope the way you know how. I went to Mexico recently for Serena Palmer’s banging wedding, and the anorexic voice in me was LOUUDDDD during those first few days. I really struggled eating in front of people, and that’s ok! I acknowledged that those behaviours were hard to ignore and took care of myself the best I could. Luckily, Adam Bartlett is a pro and had some spaghetti delivered to my room 🙂
– Excessive Body Checking & Insecurities: When anxiety is up, safety behaviours can pop up. body checking for me is one of those. It’s a compulsion to make sure things haven’t “gone too far.” I know now that when I feel drawn into those things, I need to focus on myself a bit. My fav way to snap out of those is to go to a yoga class. It’s magic.
– Skipping Social Events: Combine my ED with my natural introversion + this pandemmie lifestyle and I have become as elusive as a snow leopard. Listen, recovery’s a journey and I fully acknowledge I’m not all the way through it. But, even when I am, I’m probably gunna Irish Exit your bridal shower dude… #NotSorryXO
– Being Overly Defensive About Eating & Exercise Behaviours: If you are someone in my life that approached me about my ED habits and I blew you off (le sorry), or someone that feels some type a way now about it. Please, don’t. Kathy White is all over my ass all the time, and asked me about my food intake daily for 15 years, I could not be convinced I had a problem. If my persistent AF mom couldn’t convince me, your ass couldn’t. And, I no longer feel badly about that. I didn’t have the coping skills to deal with my anxiety, and my anorexia was a lifeline for me. It was the only way I could numb myself and until I learned how to manage my emotions, I needed anorexia. It’s not uncommon. I learned to see what my anorexia was providing from me as well as taking from me in therapy, and then it became so much easier to throw myself into learning other coping skills that work for me so that I don’t resort to ED behaviours.